An Iowa Mom

The House of Fairies!

Last night, Sporty excitedly tucked his 6th lost tooth under his pillow. Checking it twice to make sure it was secure and would not accidentally fall out of reach before the Tooth Fairy could retrieve it, he settled in with a smile.

First thing this morning, AnIowaDad and I were talking through the door that separates our bathroom from our bedroom. We were briefly discussing our plans for the day ahead. He emerged from the bathroom wrapped in his favorite fluffy green towel, just as Sporty bounced into the room with 2 dollar bills waving high above his head. "She came!" he exclaimed, "The tooth fairy came!"

"That's funny," AnIowaDad chuckled as he opened an empty top dresser drawer, "THE UNDERWEAR FAIRY DID NOT!"

An obvious jab at my lacking capability to keep up with the laundry, I would like to retract everything I said yesterday!

Pat Him On The Back and Call Him A Hero!

Wow ... do I ever need to talk up my wonderful husband! The last two days, AnIowaDad's been the BEST there is. I'm not kidding! And it's not very often I'll admit that.

Sunday morning I awoke to a queasy sensation in my belly. After wondering if it could be caused by one too many Miller High Lifes the night before, I ruled it out and came to the conclusion that I was actually ill. I loathe being sick. It is right up there on my list with pickles and uninvited guests. Regardless, I surrendered to it and went back to bed, feeling sorry for myself.

Now, there is something you should know, on one day of the weekend, we set aside a "shopping" day where we all go together, around 9am, as a family (yes, all 6 of us). We browse for things we'd like someday, look for something we need, go out for lunch (even though I'm a recovering FFA) and then we do grocery shopping before returning home. Well, Sunday was that day, and there was no way I was going without vomiting all over the Suburban. I wondered how I would break this to AnIowaDad, as he was already up and getting ready for the outing.

He came in, looked at me, and knew right away that I wouldn't be moving from that spot. HE WENT! He took all the kids AND WENT! Oh, the love I felt for him at that moment is indescribable. An all day outing was not in the cards for them, but 2 or 3 hours of complete and total peace and quiet WAS in the cards for me. It had suddenly become the best gift I was ever given.

The rest of the day AnIowaDad spent tending after all the kiddos. He prepared lunch and dinner. He changed diapers. He gave baths. He kept them all very quiet. I didn't leave my bed ALL DAY LONG, with the exception of once, to come from my room to the couch in an attempt to eat something. Then I fell right back into bed until Monday morning.

Monday - oh another "pat him on the back and call him a hero" kind of day. His first words to me were, "Do you need me to stay home from work today?" Ah, again, THE LOVE! If I weren't sick, I may have showed him just how much! (Okay, too much information, but this behavior from him is just the sweetest). I told him I thought I could manage and he said he'd check in at lunch and if I need to rest then he would work from home.

I ended up feeling much better, now I'm just battling the sudden onset of a nasty cold. My head feels as though it must weigh 100 pounds, AT LEAST! AnIowaDad did show up for lunch, with McDonalds. This should not be considered falling off the FFA Wagon, as I wasn't the one to splurge ... it was all him! MY MAN! How did I ever get this lucky?

Motivated By Food ...

School has started. I had mixed emotions.

Peenee's 1st grade class has a behavior system, Green, Yellow and Red light. Of course, all children are expected to stay on green light. Yellow light is a warning of sorts. Red light is not good!

I knew it was coming ... Peenee could not stay on "green light". Two days in a row he came home on "yellow light" One for not listening, the other for being silly during a fire drill. *Sigh* ... what is a mother to do? The first day I let it go ... talked to him about it and marked it up to him learning the rules. The next day, I think I did what any other frustrated mom of 4 would do ... I took away the outdoors afterschool, in addition to playtime with his best friend. Oh, the horror, I could imagine for him. He would be devastated and would remember this, that's right, and "green lights" would be in his future for all 1st grade days ahead.

There was horror alright ... plenty of it. Yes, he was stuck indoors, watching all his friends, best friend included, ride their bikes past our house, over and over again. He peered out the front window and whined, cried, pleaded, screamed, ending it with a statement of how I was the "meanest and worst Mom ever". Then it was silent. He was gone. All was quiet. Peenee had ventured off to play with his dinosaurs or read a book or whatever it was he went off and did. Being the "meanest and worst Mom ever" ... I wouldn't know. I had gotten through to him though ... and he knew I meant business. I sat, at my kitchen counter and offered Smilee a small snack, feeling proud, I had conquered the "yellow light" syndrome.

Looking back, it was just the calm before the storm. Peenee returned. He tormented Princess by taking everything she picked up from her small and curious hands, causing her to release a blood curdling scream, followed by a drop to the floor and a continuing cry. When I put a stop to that, he moved to Smilee, snatching away what was left of the snack on her tray and popping it into his own hungry mouth. She too broke out into hysterics and Peenee looked quite pleased with himself. He then made his way to the television and turned on the most annoying show ever. After I had listened to all I could take, I clicked the power switch and asked him to redeem himself and play with his sister nicely. Princess LOVES to play with the normally sweet and loving Peenee. He obliged and offered to give her airplane rides (He lays down on his back and lifts her up by her belly with his feet). Things were going great, and I continue to make dinner, until his airplane made an emergency landing, slamming the head of Princess into the coffee table. More screams. Spaghetti noodles boiled over on the stove as I tended to a "pretending to be hurt" Princess. Sporty arrives inside from a game of baseball with the neighborhood boys and I felt a sense of relief. Sporty and Peenee are always together, and him coming indoors would entertain Peenee enough that I could finish dinner. Without many more obstacles.

Sporty: "Hey Peenee! Wanna make a race track downstairs?"

Peenee: "Hey Peenee! Wanna make a race track downstairs?"

Sporty: "Knock it off! I'm serious, do you want to?"

Peenee: "Knock it off! I'm serious, do you want to?"

Sporty: "Quit!!!"

Peenee: "Quit!!!"

Sporty: "I'm not kidding, stop it!!"

Peenee: "I'm not kidding, stop it!!"

Sporty: "MOM!"

Peenee: MOM!"

AnIowaMom: Peenee, please stop!

Peenee: "Okay, Mom."

Sporty: "So, do you want to make a race track or not?"

Peenee: "So, do you want to make a race track or not?"

My head was going to explode. I was in my own personal hell. It was horror alright ... MINE! ALL MY HORROR! What was I thinking taking away the outdoors? I needed them outside to accomplish dinner. All I had now was 2 crying little girls, 1 angry son, a burnt dinner, a headache and another son who had learned nothing from my punishment.

That night, as Peenee was getting tucked in for bed, AnIowaDad leans in towards him and whispers, "If you stay on green light all day tomorrow at school ... I will make you the biggest chocolate sundae EVER! For dinner!"

Peenee's eyes lit up as he looked over at me, "What's for dinner tomorrow night?" I explained it would be Pork Chops, Cheesey Potatoes and Green Beans. Not a favorite of his, he squealed with excitement.

The following day as Peenee was leaving for the bus, a quick reminder was given about staying on "green light".

Wouldn't you know it? A promise of an ice cream sundae would do the trick ... a note from his teacher came home in his backpack that Peenee had a "FABULOUS" day!

Motivated by food! That's my Peenee! If only I'd realized the day before how easy it could be!

Life With Princess

Princess and the Potty! As princess prances around the yard in her "pretty skirt", because she refuses to take it off ... she runs frantically to the grass and goes potty. Mind you, not only was she going in our front yard, she didn't even bother to pull her underwear down. In total shock over the whole situation I scream, "Princess, you pottied in your underwear!!". To which she replies calmly, "No Mommy, I pottied in the grass." Now, this actually happened yesterday, not today. As I wrote this, I read it to my husband as Princess sat at the counter coloring and Sporty doing his homework. Sporty says, "Did that really happen?" Again, Princess replies in a VERY calm tone, "Yes [Sporty], I did it on a purpose." Keep in mind, she is two years old. What am I in for? I grabbed the camera to take a picture to add to this post!

My Own FFA Intervention

I need help and I'm not afraid to admit it.  I am utterly and completely addicted to fast food and eating out ... but only for lunch (and sometimes breakfast), as if that makes it okay.  It does in my mind.  That is why I need help.

It all began on our vacation to Indianapolis.  We spent many hours swimming in their pool and watching our children frolic about happily.  Now, we own a fairly good sized pool ... however, it is not a permanent structure.  It is one of those round blue pools that has the blow up ring on top.  We put it up on Memorial Day weekend and pull it down on Labor Day, tucking it safely into the storage garage until next year.  My kids like to play in it, but jumping into it is against our rules, as if water begins pouring over the edge, the whole thing goes and we are not sporting the water bill to fill up a 5,000 gallon pool several times a year so the kids can JUMP.  Little did we know, once children reach the great age of 5 and 6, all they want to do in a pool is JUMP, so our pool rapidly became uncool ... and all the maintence, chemicals, etc ... was all in vein for AnIowaDad.

Anyway, I decided a "real" pool would be just the thing for us and our family.  I priced in-ground pools and decided $30,0000 would not be very responsible to spend that on a pool, when if I could spend that much money, it should be into college funds.  SO, I started looking at above ground pools and had AnIowaDad somewhat talked into it ... and then the lightbulb went off in his head, regarding my spending habits eating fast food daily ... for me and my 4 kids.  All of a sudden, getting a pool didn't seem like an award winning idea by AnIowaMom since she spends between $15-25 daily on lunch.  That money could be put to better use, AnIowaDad suggests, like going towards a pool for the children ... so they can JUMP!  Does he know how to make me feel guilty or what?

So, that's where I'm at.  I would like to spoil my children with the wonderful childhood memory making pool, but AnIowaDad has put me up to the challenge of knocking out my nasty, unhealthy habit of McDonalds ... and Wendy's ... and Pizza Hut ... and Arby's ... and KFC (ooohh, my belly is growling and it's lunchtime) , before we even discuss it further.  I'm panicking as it's the end of summer and I bet we could get some really good deals on a pool this time of year.

He doesn't think I can do it.  Is it sad to admit that even though I love my children and want to give them this gift of being able to JUMP ... I want even more to prove AnIowaDad wrong?

I'm off to clean up the breakfast containers (McDonalds Big Breakfast Platter) and make myself a yummy peanut butter sandwich ... here goes nothing.  Wish me luck!

Please Tell Me I'm Not Alone ...

Just another day ... a trip to the local Super Mart!

It started out great. I hired a baby-sitter!  HA!  I'm not kidding.  Having someone come watch 3 out of the 4 kids, or even 2 of them, would make my cart pushing hours so much easier.  So that is the route I took.  My teenage neighbor agreed to come over and sit the 3 oldest, leaving me only with Smilee.  Never any trouble due to being securely strapped into the cart, she just rides along, and smiles!

We arrive at Super Target and I feel a slight feeling of having to use the restroom.  Not one who EVER goes in public bathrooms, I pushed the thought from my mind and figure because I only have one child, I can fly through the store and be home again before the urge strikes again.

A few minutes later while standing at the dairy case, looking for Pillsbury breadsticks, which no one seems to carry anymore (except WalMart and I stear clear of that place unless absolutely necessary), my body pleads with me to find a restroom ... and fast!

No one knew any different, though I feel as though all eyes are on me, as I struggle with this fact that I am going to be using a public restroom for something other than just a quick squat and run.  I whip the cart around and head to the front of the store.  All the time, pushing the squeaky wheeled buggy, faster and faster, I'm cussing myself out for not being able to control this sudden dilemma I've found myself in.

As I'm trying to fit a large cart through a small door, a friendly Target employee informs me that no shopping carts are allowed in the restrooms.  Great!  What am I going to do with Smilee (who had kicked off her shoes in the car on the way there plus there was NO WAY she was going to be on the floor of a public restroom)?  This was not happening.  A sense of panic waved over me as I realized waiting until I returned home at this point, was definately NOT an option. 

In conclusion ... I'll keep it brief and generally detail free.  I experienced a "first" yesterday!  I went to the bathroom with my child sitting on my lap.  It was <strike>the </strike> one of the most humiliating and embarrassing moments of my life that no one would have even known about ... but I shared it with all of you.

Please tell me I'm not alone in this!  Someone please tell me I'm not the only one!

The Diaper Digger Strikes

Why is there always price to pay? There can never just be a "GREAT" day for Moms. Don't get me wrong, we all have "GREAT" days ... but we pay the price for them ... and they don't come easy.

Yesterday afternoon was going better than normal for AnIowaMom, as she was actually accomplishing something other than dishes, laundry, cleaning toilets or mopping floors. When she heard Smilee talking happiliy upstairs in her room, waking from her 2 hour nap. Finishing up a few things that would take 5 minutes with Smilee in her crib, rather than 3 hours with her out, she opted to leave her. From the sounds of her jabbering, she was content playing without the company of AnIowaMom anyway.

Normally, AnIowaMom doesn't gingerly climb the stairs to the bedrooms with a carefree stride ... it usually consists of stomping in anger, jogging in the need to get back downstairs in a hurry, or sprinting up in sheer panic of what she'll find judging from the noises coming from the children's rooms.

This time was different. Excited to see Smilee, AnIowaMom pushed the door open, ignoring (or just not wanting to believe) the horendous stench that was seeping from the room. As always, the baby greeted her with a huge smile. Around that beautiful little mouth of hers, was something more disgusting that anyone could imagine. Stopping dead in her tracks staring in disbelief, AnIowaMom realizes that Smilee had been diaper digging ... again!!! POOP was all in her hair, under her fingernails, all over her bed sheets ... and yes, around her mouth ... Smilee was eating her own feces. EEEEWWWWWW? What would possess ANYBODY to have a desire to place crap in their own mouth??? Nevermind that she is only 14 months old ... IT'S JUST NOT RIGHT! What kind of a child is being raised here?

Totally grossed out by the entire situation, AnIowaMom, "sprints" into the bathroom to start the bath water and grabbed a warm wet cloth to wipe her up the best she could before the bath could be taken. Then, what does a good mom do? That's right, run for her camera to "somewhat" capture the moment ... to always remember what Smilee put AnIowaMom through even at such a young age ... the pictures are clean and don't show much ... except to help tell the story of my July 31, 2006 .. A Day In The Life ... of a MOM!

I did wipe her mouth and hands before this photo! You can see she is smiling ...

In the bath ... still smiling ...

Ignoring the 100 degree heat outdoors, Smilee will sleep from now on completely zipped up in feetie PJ's ... unable to find her diaper to DIG.

That's that! All cleaned up, smelling like a little one should. Keep in mind the rest of us are freezing our rears off because we had to turn the air down to 70 so Smilee doesn't get too warm ... and keeps smiling.

So much for a Mom having a good day, accomplishing more than imaginable and feeling good about it. Yeah, there's always a price to pay ...